3-PEAT 3-PEAT 3-PEAT
Aiken, SC. (UPI) Immediate Press Release:
On December 18th, at the annual Christmas Dinner of the Houndslake Hookers, Hackers and Slicers (HHH & S) Golfing Association, Dr. Larry Andrews (age unknown, but he's old) was named for the third consecutive year as the group's PLAYER OF THE YEAR.
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The award shown being presented by Mr. E. Allen, Chairman of the Selection Committee, is awarded annually to the most deserving (?) golfer. Its origins are unknown, but are thought to go all the way back to the first Master's Tournament contested in nearby Augusta, GA.
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Many of the attendees were confused about what Larry did to deserve the award for the third time. But due to the secretive nature of the selection, they stated they felt that "whatever he is doing to win the award, he must be doing it well". He was a member of the winning Wofford Alumni Golf Team which recently won the 1st Annual College Alumni Golf Tournament contested at Houndslake Country Club. Many believe it is based on the amount of new/used golf clubs that he routinely purchases.
Above left: Larry receiving the trophy from the Chairman of the POY Selection Committee, Mr. E. Allen. Above right: Dr. Larry admiring his third POY trophy.
BIOGRAPHICAL INFORMATION
NOTE: Because the HHH & S blog has no budget for research, we had to use whomever and whatever we could find. Luckily, we were able to use two trolls from the Elven Forest near Barnwell, SC. They were not very good with research, but they were free. Below is their report
(if it's not right, it's not my fault - I didn't do the research, only the reporting of it).
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Larry was born Larry Andrews somewhere in the South around the 1930's (not sure when, but it was before 1940 and World War II.)*
He grew up doing little kid things and had a lot of fun doing them. After a while he was five-years-old and went to an elementary school. He was smart. He learned to read and write using big words, which he still does today. He then attended some type of middle school and then a high school. He was still smart.
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He was so smart he got to go to Wofford and took a lot of Psycho-type courses. After a bunch of years went by (we think four +/-), he graduated and decided because he was good at school stuff, and he would rather continue to do that than go to work, he went to the University of South Carolina (we think) and got a Master's Degree. Because he was so smart and wrote this real long paper, they made him a Doctor. He can't operate on you or anything, but he can mess with your mind.
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In like 1970 or thereabouts, he got married, had babies (not him per se, but his wife did - duh), changed his hair color to white, bought a car, and moved to Aiken where he met Ron Williamson, who also was trained to mess with your mind like Larry. They became friends and used to sit around and mess with each other's minds.
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Then Larry found golf, but he was bad, real bad. He used to shoot 100. He tried and tried but couldn't get better. Then he bought a new golf club and he got better. Every time he bought a new club, he got better, so he continued to buy new clubs and got better and better. He bought 14 new clubs and got 14 strokes better. Now he shoots 86.
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After winning his first POY in 2005, he met Hergy and started playing real good, probably because he kept buying new clubs. No one can figure out why he started playing better, but we found out that Hergy told Larry what clubs to use and when (something his friend Ron didn't do), and sure enough he got better and better. He got so much better that he continued to win this enigmatic (that's one of those Larry smart words) trophy in 2006, and again in 2007. He is the odds-on-favorite to repeat in 2008 as well.
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He lives in a house in Aiken and drives an Acura.
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Submitted by Beavis and Butthead Spears, Research Specialists
(Yes, Britney is our sister, and no, you can't have her autograph)
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